Bikini revealed the new me

I wore a bikini last week. The last time  I did that I was younger than my daughter is now. Eleven or so. Totally unconcerned about what I looked like, or what others thought I looked like. Eleven’s not 11 any more, that’s for sure. A bikini was de rigueur. It was the ’70s after all. Hours in the sun, coconut oil, no hats, planning the next long summer day as you sat with your sister seeing who could peel the largest piece of skin from the other’s back.

But that was 35 years ago. In so many ways.

Me, now, in  a bikini? Who would have thought? Not me. But let me set the scene.

I had the good fortune to be sent  on a travel junket. You’re invited to a hotel, say, and given the tour, you press a bit of flesh, talk a bit of talk, and then are expected to write wonderful things about said hotel. They’re not nearly as glamorous as they sound, only this one actually was.

Four days at Cape Panwa Hotel in Phuket. Check it out at capepanwa and be extremely jealous.

There was a full itinerary of spa treatments, snorkelling, wining and dining. It was hard work.

At one point the itinerary advised us to ”pack your bikinis and meet in the lobby for a private chartered cruise to a private bay for a picnic champagne lunch”. There was that word: bikini.

It got me to thinking about why I hadn’t worn a bikini for so long. Why indeed I had even just the previous summer purchased a swimming costume with a skirt. Why I had, for 35 years, felt so ashamed about something I felt a need to cover up.

And now wholesale bikinis here I was, setting off for Lone Island, as deserted as it sounds, and I wanted to wear a bikini. I figured if I couldn’t wear one there, I would never wear one. Sure I wasn’t alone. I was travelling with four other journalists – who, in a cruel twist of fate, were mainly sprightly 20-something fashion and beauty and lifestyle writers – and a couple of marketing people and assorted staff pouring champagne. But I knew no one and no one knew me. I could be that middle-aged woman in the bikini and no one would actually be aware of what a huge thing it was for me.

So I went to the hotel gift shop and bought one. Shopping tip No.1: a Thailand XL is not an Australian XL. I didn’t try it on before I bought it but when I did I soon realised I would need a little more, well, coverage. OK, I couldn’t even pull the bottom up over my thighs.

I hoped I would be able to exchange it, given that I tried it on without underwear and there was no plastic sticker over the crotch.

In Australia I’d be done. No exchange. But in Thailand, I just used the international language of grabbing my boob and saying, ”Too small, too small” to the lady behind the counter and she grabbed the XXXL and sent me on my way.

XXXL. That should have scared me. But it didn’t. The bikini was stripey, pink and red and brown.

It made me feel happy just looking at it. And surprisingly, it made me feel happy once I put it on.

LB5777-1

Sure, my body is in the best place it’s been for a long time. Eating less, exercising more. It’s simple. (Mind you, my post-junket body is a few kilos heavier; see note about wining and dining.)

Once on, I thought I looked pretty hot. In a delusional middle-aged sort of way. And, thank you, thank you, thank you, my beautiful social media friends – many of whom are my actual friends – all 80-odd of you who left such positive messages when I dared to post a photo on Facebook.

The whole experience was liberating. I’d forgotten how it feels to have the sun on the small of your back, have water caress your stomach as you swim, how sexy it felt to sunbake with the straps undone. Where had that part of me been for more than three decades?

I held myself differently as I walked along the beach, more confidently, more aware of my body, proud in a way. I like my boobs, I always have. Sure they’ve lost some, I think density is the right term, since I’ve lost some weight, but my bikini hoisted them pretty high and they were happy to be on show. I was happy for them to be on show.

Getting out of the pool, using the steps and the hand rails, I felt like Denise Richards in Wild Things (and she was wearing a one-piece). I felt hot. And I haven’t felt that way for a long time.

Okay, it might have been the fact that I was far, far from home, staying in a luxurious hotel in one of the most beautiful countries in the world, with a daily supply of intoxicating cocktails, but I wasn’t thinking about that.

I was thinking about how often we lose sight of who we really are, how we conform, how we cover up.

Women of a certain age are expected to act a certain way, particularly if they look a certain way, or is that just how I’ve been thinking?

You only had to look around the beach at Cape Panwa to realise that plenty of women, of all shapes and sizes and nationalities, weren’t thinking like that. Bikinis everywhere, flesh everywhere, confidence everywhere.

Or maybe they were all experimenting like me.

And if they were, here’s to us.

It seems ridiculous that the simple act of buying and wearing a bikini has had such a profound effect on me. That the act of exposing myself to the world, exposed some deep-set insecurities. Insecurities I realised I need to shed myself of.

Wearing a bikini gave me the confidence to say here I am world, with all my faults. If you don’t like me for who I am then that problem is yours. I’m off to soak up the sun. To soak up life.

7 Of The Best Plus Size Lingerie Deals, Because Your Sexiness Knows No Bounds

In a market lingerie manufacturer  that body shaping lingerie can seem to consist of fast fashion brands selling lingerie for as cheap as $5, while higher-end designers sell lingerie as expensive as $400 per panty, finding accessible plus size lingerie can be a challenge. But with a little research as well as a conscious effort to support independent designers and brands, the plus size lingerie market isn’t as difficult to navigate as you might think.

Sure, you’re probably not getting the experience of running into a store on your way home from work and purchasing something for that evening. But the suspense of awaiting delivery, as well as choosing the perfect item, can be both an intimate and exciting experience.

So whether underwear manufacturer  you’re just purchasing a little to make yourself feel more special as you do the dishes, you’re hoping to titillate the boo in your life, or you just want to get a really good Instagram selfie, hopefully there’s something in this weird and wonderful list of affordable but stylish plus lingerie that tickles your fancy.

body shaping lingerie

If not, these brands have plenty of amazing items on sale for your perusal and they’re totally worth checking out if you want to find your own favorite pieces. The following 15 are my personal must-haves.

1. A Different Type Of TeddyOpen Cup Tie Teddy, $40, Unlucky Lingerie

This pretty coral number is also available in black for all you goth babes out there. With an open cup and a lace-up back, this Australian teddy doesn’t leave much to the imagination.

2. Some Extra SupportMaria Underwired Babydoll, $87, Fig Leaves

By going up in cup sizes as well as using an underwire, this babydoll will be perfect for keeping your cleavage up and out. (If that’s what you’re looking for, of course.)

3. Fine Feathered FriendMarabou Babydoll With Rhinestone Heart, $45, Hips Curves

The feather trim and the rhinestone heart on this babydoll make it the ideal amount of trashy kitsch.

4. All Tied UpBandage Style Garter Belt, $17, Yandy

With a matching bra available, this candy-colored set is too sweet not to wear.

5. Ice QueenEyelash Lace Teddy, $46, Big Gals Lingerie

This pretty lace number is made even by coming in this gorgeous ice blue hue.

6. Pretty In PurplePlunge Wrap Bow Side Teddy, $23, Asos

This more casual piece of lingerie is the kind of thing that you can wear to bed and potter about the house in — instead of just buying it and wearing it for sex’s sake.

7. Girls Just Wanna Have FunCyndi Lauper Bralette, $67, JBC Lingerie

This independent body shaping lingerie Australian brand deserves all your money for being cool anyway, but its awesome designs help make the sales a little easier.

Where To Buy ‘Shark Tank’s Naja Lingerie So You Can Have The Cheekiest Underwear Around

Here’s a company body shaping lingerie that’s bound to catch the sharks’ attention. Naja will be featured on Friday night’s episode of , and the premium lingerie line has a lot more going for it than just bras and panties. Will the sharks bite?

Well, this is a tricky one to predict. On the one hand, Naja (pronounced “na-ya”) seems to be doing quite well. Its website looks sleek and professional. Its social media game is strong. It has been featured in several big publications, including , The Huffington Post, and Inc.

But getting an investment from one of the sharks is not a done deal for Naja. For one thing, it is a company with a philanthropic spirit (more on that later), which can sometimes work against companies on  because they don’t seem focused enough on making money. Naja also makes products for women, which the male sharks don’t always express enthusiasm over.

What it really comes down to is the past, present, and future earnings of the company, so if Naja has the bucks to fill out this deal, it stands a chance of snagging a shark. It also wouldn’t hurt if the sharks knew about these five facts about Naja too.

1. This Lingerie Is Cheeky In Every Sense Of The Word[Embed]You probably wouldn’t want to wear any sheer clothing over Naja’s bras and panties because most of the lingerie from this company is bright, bold, and with crazy patterns. While you probably wouldn’t go wrong with any of the styles, the collection that stands out the most is definitely the Cheeky Knickers. This quirky line of briefs comes with a little wink as pictures of a cat, cheeseburger, and bush of thread are playfully located on the crotch area. I can’t wait to hear what the sharks have to say about this.

body shaping lingerie

2. These Panties Have A Purpose[Embed]Remember when I said that this lingerie company is about more than just fancy underwear? Well, Naja is a socially conscious company that not only uses recycled materials in its designs, but it also trains and employs single or breadwinner mothers in Colombia to sew its products. A percentage of every purchase goes toward this Underwear for Hope program, which is also supported by every bra purchase because the women in the program sew the lingerie wash bags that bras come with. Who knew panties could be so powerful?

3. You Can Buy This Lingerie Now[Embed]Naja lingerie is currently available through the company’s official online store. Panties range from $15 to $32, while bras cost $50 to $95. However, if you wear plus sizes, there’s unfortunately not a lot Naja can offer you right now, which is a big drawback in my eyes. The bra sizes range from 32B to 36DD, and the panties run from extra small to extra large. Hopefully, one of the sharks does invest in Naja and this problem is fixed because women of all sizes want cute lingerie.

4. Kickstarter Gave It A Push[Embed]Like many  products, and many products created today, Naja got some help from Kickstarter. Though the company launched in May 2013, it sought some help from the crowdfunding platform in 2014, raising more than $25,000 and surpassing its goal in the process. If  doesn’t work out for Naja, it sure sounds like it could give Kickstarter another go.

5. Naja’s Founder body shaping lingerie Will Be Your New Hero[Embed]Naja’s founder Catalina Girald is super cool. Not only will you want to be her new best friend, but she will also inspire you to go out and start your own kick-ass business.

Bugaboo Jogging Stroller Ad Features Model Ymre Stiekema Running In A Bikini

In case you aren’t body shaping lingerie up on your baby stroller news these days, the popular brand Bugaboo (which is basically like the Mercedes of stroller brands) recently released a brand new jogging stroller, the Bugaboo Runner. Avid runners with kids instantly rejoiced, since finding an ultra-sleek (albeit ) jogging stroller is apparently super hard to come by. But all that unabashed excitement took a not-so-great turn last week, when the retailer unveiled an ad featuring model Ymre Stiekema pushing the Bugaboo Runner — in a bikini and sneakers. (You know, as one is known to do.) Unsurprisingly, the image caused plenty of moms’ heads to explode immediately. It also opened the floodgates to a bevy of hilarious one-liners on Facebook and Instagram from women who wanted to kindly tap Bugaboo on the shoulder and say, in a nutshell?

WTF indeed. I’ll be honest, here; the photo made my eyes roll, too, and I’m not even a mom. That’s probably because the very point of it is kind of a head scratcher. It shows the 23-year-old model gliding along the sidewalk while pushing her young son. At first, the mind goes straight to the superficial: Stiekema looks undeniably gorgeous; like a gazelle in motion. She’s got long, super toned legs — legs that look like they haven’t jiggled since… well, . Her skin is glowing, and there’s not a single sweat bead to be seen. But soon enough, the mind circles back to some more obvious questions. Like,  And

body shaping lingerie

 

All of this was not lost on Bugaboo’s Facebook fans, who immediately had a field day in the comments section, and chimed in with some hilariously on-point comebacks. Take Mandi Cakes, who’s received 360+ likes so far with this simple one-liner: “I prefer running naked with my children.”

Ellie Rew also kept it real by imagining a scenario in which she too would leave the house in a barely-there bikini:

I’m not gonna cus her out for what she’s wearing but I have 2 children and if was running in this on the school run it would be because I’d forgotten to put my clothes on because we’re late for school, my 5 year old had fallen off his scooter, my 2 year old refuses to put his shoes on and there’s a good chance I haven’t had the time to do my bikini line. There’s an image to leave you with.Many others just couldn’t let go of the fact that it seemed Bugaboo was majorly missing the mark on their target audience. “I can almost see her uterus,” joked Danielle Bould. “Come on Bugaboo… who are you trying to sell these to?!”

Still, not all were poking fun at the ad. Especially those who felt like Bugaboo wasn’t actually aiming to market the “average” customer. “I notice that a lot of people seem upset with this photo because this woman is so fit and the average woman is not and this theory that this stroller’s target audience should be the average woman,” wrote Jeanne Makowski. “I would venture to guess that the target audience for this particular adaptation of the Bugaboo is for the more athletic parent, hence Bugaboo runner. I think it’s a brilliant adaptation.”

In an email to Bustle Monday, a rep for Bugaboo stated:

We designed our Bugaboo body shaping lingerie Runner jogging extension with active parents in mind. We want to inspire moms and dads everywhere to explore the world with their families, while keeping up with an active and healthy lifestyle. In addition to Ymre Stiekema – a mom who enjoys running and happens to be a model – our marketing initiatives feature parents who love running, including our own staff at Bugaboo, providing their experiences with their children and the Bugaboo Runner. We believe that all parents should run free no matter where they are on their fitness journeys and what they choose to wear on their runs.Rachel Werts, who seems to agree, also jumped in to defend the brand — and called out her fellow commenters for bashing another mom. “Really ladies?” wrote Werts. “Are you that judgemental (sic) or jealous that you have to question what she is running in? Women should support each other not tear each other down because you feel inadequate. I would never get away with wearing that while I run, but great for her!”

I Am A Plus-Size Woman Who Wore A Low-Rise Bikini To The Beach, And This Is What Happened

As a fat woman, body shaping lingerie there are several truths that have been ingrained into my psyche since the day my visible belly outline became impossible to conceal. Among them, the “fact” that fat women do not deserve to wear bodycon dresses or sexy lingerie. Furthermore, their sole goal when it comes to fashion should be to try their very best to look fat. I’m talking about cultivating addictions to black dresses, wearing only loose-fitting tops and high-waisted trousers, and avoiding anything loud, revealing, or remotely interesting. Plus-size fashion rules indicate only solid prints and baggy things are to be purchased. And we must be grateful to these items, for they slim us down and make us more attractive (or better yet, less revolting) to those around us.

That fat phobia exists is no secret. Remember fat-shaming week? Or Karl Lagerfeld’s entire existence? We live in a world, and at a time, where being fat is considered (in mainstream culture) not just distasteful or unattractive, but downright wrong. We wage wars on obesity without fully understanding the term. We brew hatred in our hearts and minds toward a physical characteristic needed to survive… because, let’s face it, body fat is essential. We accuse plus-size bloggers, celebrities, and body-positive activists of encouraging unhealthy lifestyles, without acknowledging that health at every size is a real thing, and weight is not an automatic indicator of beauty, intelligence, or workout regimen. And as a result, we often end up disliking and harming our bodies, and criticizing anyone who doesn’t fit the linear, preconceived ideologies of beauty.

body shaping lingerie

That fat phobia exists is no secret, as I said. But that body-positive, feminist, girl power-y communities exist is no secret, either. For every person who is cruel enough — ignorant enough — to believe that you are unlovable or unattractive or less than human because of your figure, there will be at least one person to combat that mentality. Or, at least, that’s what I’d like to think.

The ExperimentA few months back, I encountered writer and blogger Jenny Trout’s article, “I Wore a Bikini and Nothing Happened.” In it, she describes her decision to wear a bikini to the beach as a plus-size woman, and the ensuing reactions from those around her (predominantly negative, accusing, and falsely “caring” reactions, at that). But when she actually does it, nothing happens. No one flees in horror. No children weep. And nobody throws food at her head.

The thing is, I was surprised to read that nothing happened to Trout when she put on a two-piece and hit the sea. And I couldn’t help but wonder whether the reason no one said or did anything was because her bikini was high-waisted. The fatkini movement, led by inspiring women such as Gabifresh and Tess Munster, is a beautiful, beautiful thing that encourages all women to realize that every body is a beach body. But most of the time, when you see a fatkini photo, you see a woman in a two-piece that still hides her tummy. Although beautiful and wonderfully vintage-inspired, these fatkinis often conceal the jiggliest bits of the body. So are they actually a fair test in gauging people’s fat phobia?Out of these thousands, only a handful seemed to notice me. Had I not been actively seeking them out with my partner (who kept at a reasonable distance to also observe people observing me), I might not have even noticed them. And that is kind of an amazing thing.

The young couples body shaping lingerie who pointed me out and laughed were far and few between. Though these instances seemed fueled by young, sexist, and misogynistic boys, we know that such people are not worth bothering with. Sometimes I cannot help but thank the fat on my body for providing me with a douche bag detector. Were I able to rewind the clock, the only person I might have confronted would be the man teaching his children to hate fat people. As depressing as it is to see parents bestowing such lessons unto their kids, it does make me wonder: If our hatred toward others can be learned, perhaps it can just as easily be unlearned.

Why Wearing Lingerie As A Nonbinary Person Is Difficult For Me

I’ve been body shaping lingerie promising myself that I’ll buy fancy undies with my next paycheck for the past year. But each time I pass that storefront window — whether it be an indie shop in Williamsburg or a chain store in Midtown — I just can’t manage to pull out my wallet. Buying lingerie as a nonbinary person, or even bringing myself to step into the store to try a lacy little number on, seems to be an impossible feat for me regardless of my financial situation.

I often attribute this to my hopelessly sensitive vagina, which legitimately used to break out into a rash at the mere mention of lace. Although that point is a valid one, however, it’s not the whole story. Since our bodies are constantly changing, and there are a ton of sexy crotchless options out there, I should probably test things out to see if my skin will react just as strongly to lace as it has done in the past. The truth is, I often don’t feel like I deserve to wear lingerie at all.

The reason for this is that the sexy lingerie I lust after seems inherently feminine, and therefore makes me feel as though it would sexualize me in a feminine (not to mention heterosexual) way. As someone who identifies strongly with masculinity, this sounds quite nightmarish.

Of course, lingerie is for anyone and everyone who chooses to wear it, including non-women and queer folks. There’s nothing about a type of fabric or a color that can possibly represent or be specifically reserved for a certain gender. But still, something about lingerie can seem like it might strip me of my confidence in the bedroom.

body shaping lingerie

As a masculine person with a feminine body, and as someone who has sex in unconventional ways due to my inability to be penetrated without experiencing intense pain (shout out to my vaginismus), it’s already a bit challenging for me to cultivate and maintain confidence in sexual situations.

As much as I love being kinky and curious when it comes sex, I sometimes shutter when my partner exposes my breasts (a feminine part of my body I feel the weirdest about) or feel guilty about my inability to have “normal” intercourse with my lover who’s assigned male at birth. My fear is that wearing lingerie, though it seems appealing in some respects, would only exacerbate this discomfort.

I’m afraid of drawing further attention to the feminine parts of my body with lacy fabric and BDSM-inspired gaps designed to expose the nipples, vagina, or ass. I fear my partner might subconsciously see me as a woman as I make love to them with my lingerie-clad body. Or that somehow the image of me in a lacy bra and underwear will make them long for the penetrative sex we cannot have at this time.

But more than anything, I feel sick at the idea of looking at myself in the mirror with the set on, my nervous reflection inducing more anxiety at the sight of an ever-shifting body cloaked in hyper-femininity. I’m afraid I won’t recognize who I am, and return to desperately hiding my masculinity as I struggle through clumsily navigating sex as a “submissive woman” or “sex kitten” — stereotypes that I want to separate from femininity and lingerie, but haven’t yet managed to fully.

Realistically, nothing about my gender identity or sex life would likely change with a lingerie purchase. But these storefront windows, displaying all of the beautiful and wildly creative sex looks I’d love to experiment with, have really helped me expose insecurities that I usually try my best to overlook: Insecurities that convince me that something about sex and sex accessories have the power to strip me of my queer identity.

The thing is, I’m endlessly obsessed with lingerie sets. I love all the colors, cuts, and fabric options that exist, and my instincts tell me that these sexy outfits will only enhance and expand my lusty prowess. As someone who genuinely loves trying new things/personas in the bedroom, that sounds incredibly appealing. My deeply ingrained fear, however, is that these garments I perceive as genuinely sexy and fun could end up emulating the “wrong kind” of sexy. By that, I mean the kind of sexy that makes one feel feminine: The feminine lustfulness that empowers so many women.

Odds are that my reflection won’t betray me after the purchase of a lingerie set, and my partner will continue to see me as the masculine lover they know and cherish. There also exist more androgynous or less overtly feminine options of lingerie I could look into, many decked out in leather and some creatively-placed holes.

My goal for body shaping lingerie this summer, like last summer, is to overcome my fear and buy the next panty set that steals my heart. With greater awareness of the fears navigating my discomfort, BS excuses aside, I just might be ready for this body positive and adventurous plunge. And I hope that other nonbinary folks holding onto gendered expectations of lingerie might join me in doing the same.

 

13 Minimalist Plus Size Lingerie Designs For Those Who Loathe Ruffles Bows 

It can be hard body shaping lingerie enough to find cute plus size lingerie that you love, but if you’re not a huge fan of ruffles, bows, and lace, the search becomes exponentially more difficult. Although plus size minimalism is beginning to get more attention from clothing brands, lingerie is having a hard time keeping up. Although I love a little lace or pretty detailing from time to time, most days, I’d rather look striking than soft, and it frustrates me when I’m only able to find sweet and frilly underthings in my size. After all, most of my outerwear gives off a sporty or slightly edgy minimal vibe; it would be great if I could find equally cool undergarments to match my sense of style. Thankfully, a few designers are beginning to fill this major gap in contemporary plus size lingerie selections, and I’m loving the results. From sporty basics like boxer briefs to simply sexy styles like cage bras, I’m finding more and more frill-free options in extended sizes. If, like me, you’ve been searching for underthings that make you feel sexy without a lot of added flounce, you might also love these new options that don’t limit femininity to florals and lace. Whether you prefer your lingerie in all black or bold brights, sheer mesh or sleek straps, these 13 minimalist pieces will upgrade your underpinnings with a little extra edge. 1. Strappy Open-Cup Bra

What could be sexier than this sleek, open-cup cage bra from Origami Customs? Wear it over your favorite bra for an added touch of kinky cool, or by itself when you’re looking to really heat it up in the bedroom.

body shaping lingerie

2. Mesh Panties

Ruffles and lace aren’t your only options if you’re looking for cute underwear. I love mesh for its sensual appeal and utter simplicity.

3. Sporty Bralette

This sporty halter bralette is a perfect loungewear staple. Wear it underneath your outfit as an incredibly comfortable foundation layer, or show it off as a minimalist crop top.

4. Pocket-Trimmed Boxers

How to improve on the classic boxer brief? By adding pockets, of course.

5. Sheer Balconette Bra

When you want solid support without a lot of extra ornamentation, this balconette bra from Curvy Couture will have you covered. Sheer gray and black color-blocking add visual interest while keeping the look simple and sophisticated.

6. Cage-Strap Panties

If you love edgy underthings, Origami Customs is the brand for you. With tons of sexy options in a wide range of sizes, this independent brand is a truly inclusive option.

[Embed]7. Bandage Bustier

When you want to take your look up a notch while still remaining true to your minimalist aesthetic, this bandage bustier will have you feeling absolutely irresistible. Add garters for a complete lingerie look, or layer under jeans for a club-worthy outfit that will have all eyes on you.

8. Stretchy Cage Bra

Sexy doesn’t have to mean uncomfortable. This super soft, stretchy cage bra is a brilliant option for days when you want to look fierce while feeling cozy.

9. Sheer Robe

Wrap yourself in yards of sheer mesh with this edgy infinity robe. Witchy glam has never been easier.

10. Fishnet Bra

If you’re looking for a simple style, but want to find color options beyond basic black, this wine-colored fishnet bra will make your heart sing. Sheer panels offer a surprising level of support.

11. Boyish Briefs

For boundless comfort and tomboy-approved style, these boxer briefs are the ultimate effortless undergarments. Available in a wide range of lengths and colors, these may just become your new everyday favorites.

12. Geo Lace Bralette

Try out the bralette trend with this geo-print longline style. The sharp abstract pattern proves that lace doesn’t have to be sweet.

13. Sheer Thigh-Highs

Show your legs body shaping lingerie some love in these sheer, banded thigh highs. Get all the fun of kicky hosiery, without the fuss of a garter belt.

How to Buy Sexy Lingerie Your Significant Other Will Actually Like

It is generally body shaping lingerie considered rude to wince, guffaw, or say, “What in the actual fuck is that?” when your partner is taking off their clothes for you, but apparently, no one told my ex-boyfriend that.

“Seriously, what do you even call it?” he asked, tugging at the lingerie…  I had revealed to him — with some difficulty, I might add, as my back was pressed against the steering wheel of my Jetta at the time. (What? We’ve all been there.) (I mean, we haven’t all been in MY Jetta, per se, but you know what I mean.) The garment in question had been purchased from the Victoria’s Secret sale rack, and looked like a way less sexy, way less embellished version of this:

It was very clearly an almost-babydoll, not-quite-teddy, vague assimilation of a sexy French maid apron-outfit-thing, so I’m not really sure what he was so confused about. Perhaps it wasn’t all that flattering (the above photograph is not, in fact, a selfie of me.) but, still. It was lingerie, dammit! It emphasized my breasts more than, for example, the soccer team sweatshirts I was so fond of wearing back then. What more could an item of lingerie be expected to do, really? Did it take more than an sexy apron to get him excited?

As it turns out, yes. Years of social conditioning and exposure to some truly dubious advertising had led me to believe that any old thing I plucked off the rack at Victoria’s Secret (though not PINK, yikes) would cause men to salivate over my lace-clad form. NOT SO.

body shaping lingerie

So I asked the ex, and a fair few fellas after him, what lingerie they  find sexy, and the answers ranged from helpful and unexpected to uninteresting and exasperating. Because men (men are my experience, quite possibly this goes for other genders, too), are, you know, not all the sameThat is to say, they’re not all the walking, talking boners that Superbowl commercials might lead you to believe.

My informal surveys about what constitutes sexy lingerie turned up answers like: “Something red.” “Something black.” “Something white.” “Something sheer? But also, that gives coverage.” “Like, thigh-highs. With the little straps. The dangly straps?” (GARTERS THEY ARE CALLED GARTERS.)  As you can see, some dudes are not really sure what turns them on with regards to lingerie, and there’s definitely a vocabulary issue.

But, some of my unwitting test subjects had a  established idea of what they wanted in the saucy undergarment department. Like, “That teddy looks good, but fuchsia isn’t very sexy. I don’t know why. Maybe in blue? Like, a deep blue? That could be hot. And without those bows on the nipples.” Because, again, our slampiec— er, romantic partners whom we sometimes are committed to and love, are human beings with varying tastes and opinions.

So, learn from my $35 mistake, and never purchase an overpriced scrap of satin simply because you assume its make and mark alone mean that it holds mysterious, magical desirability powers. No brand, except for possibly Agent Provocateur, holds the secret to sexy sex. (Seriously, though, I think they might have nailed it. Accordingly, their “playsuits” cost about a year’s income… If you want to open that Pandora’s box, you’ve gotta pony up, babes.)

As with most clothing, when one purchases lingerie, one should purchase with oneself in mind — mostly. Because while I prefer for my lingerie to be stuff I can wear alone around the apartment, eating chicken wings or whatever (pro tip: babydolls with strategic ruffles hide chicken-wing belly), I also am not gonna lie to you with a line like “Lingerie is all about sexy. Lingerie is for ” It just isn’t entirely true.

Like sex, wearing body shaping lingerie lingerie is at least 50% about you, so you feeling good is key; that much is true. But you also can’t ignore that you’re sharing a bed — or Jetta — with another person. That would be really weird sex, no? So, while you should never blow your money on something you wouldn’t want to reuse (Jetta-mates don’t always last forever), it also can’t hurt for you and your partner to browse your lingerie common ground on Frederick’s first. Because it will not be very good for your ego if your fuchsia crotchless panties send them running for the door — trust me on that.

Are Bikini Waxes Safe? 5 Health Risks Of Going Bare Down There — And How To Protect Yourself

We at Bustle body shaping lingerie love giving you tips for how to tap into your sexual potential and troubleshoot when things arent going your way in the bedroom. But what about finding solutions to those stressful sexual health situations that inevitably crop up when youre getting down? Emma Kaywin, a Brooklyn-based sexual health writer and activist, is here to calm your nerves and answer your questions. This weeks topic: the health risks of getting a bikini wax — plus, how to make sure a salon is safe.

A: If youre considering getting rid of any or all of your pubic hair, youre by no means alone. In fact, one recent study finds that almost 60 percent of American pussies aged 18 to 24 were nude (these numbers are slightly lower for those aged 25 and 29, at just under 50 percent). But youre right to ask .

Should you decide to get rid of your hair down there, there are some important risks to consider — and ways to mitigate them. Let’s get to it.

Risk 1: InfectionIt’s useful to know why we have pubic hair in the first place: Vaginas are made of mucus membrane, which is a type of skin that is more delicate than your regular skin. Pubic hair is like a moat that works actively to protect your, ehm, special castle. This hair acts as a cushion, making sure your many folds dont stick together, which can cause rash and infection, and also protecting your parts during sex. The hair also traps bacteria trying to get in, which could otherwise cause infections like bacterial vaginosis and urinary tract infections. Removing that barrier is simply going to put you at additional risk for infections.

body shaping lingerie

Additionally, there are tiny tears left behind in the hair follicles when you rip out the hair with wax, and waxing can also remove the top layer of your pussy skin. (Shaving can result in tiny nicks or cuts in your skin, as well as the angry red bumps that you can get through razor burn.) These tears and bumps can become homes for bacteria you dont want in your skin — such as the bacterial infection cellulitis and staph infection, as well as folliculitis, which is where your hair follicles get infected.

Something else thats important to know: you can spread some of these infections to your sexual partners. (Researchers have found this to be the case with both cellulitis and staph infections.) So if you have one of these infections, see your doctor to get it cleared up — it wont just be you youre helping!

Risk 2: Sexually Transmitted InfectionsCertain sexually transmitted infections (STIs) are spread through skin-to-skin contact. Skin damage only helps these in getting into your body — and you dont have to be able to see the damage for it to be there. Microscopic tears such as those left behind when you rip out hair by the roots (or get razor burn, for those shavers out there) unfortunately count.

What STIs are helped out by skin trauma? The list includes genital herpes, human papillomavirus (HPV), HIV (which isnt transmitted skin-to-skin but can be transmitted through microscopic tears), and Molluscum Contagiosum, a skin infection spread by skin-to-skin contact that’s actually thought to be on the rise because of the increase in bikini waxing.

Risk 3: BurnsDepilatory creams like Nair can give your vagina a chemical burn, but what about hot wax? If youre getting your wax on with a professional, s/he should know how hot to keep the wax so it still works but doesnt actually burn your skin. However, the right temperature is a delicate balance, and hot wax can totally burn you if they’re not careful. Different waxes need to be at different temperatures, but the general best practice is to have it move with the consistency of honey and not hurt like hell when it touches your skin.

Risk 4: Ingrown HairsEvery time you cut off a hair or pull it out by its roots, you put yourself at risk for an ingrown hair. De-rooting a hair means a brand new baby hair will start growing. Baby hairs are thin and weak and can have trouble finding their way to the surface (awww thats kinda cute). If they get caught under the skin, you will get an irritated bump, which can get infected.

The way to deal body shaping lingerie with an ingrown hair is to release it (aka tweeze it out if you can, or get a doctor to do it) and if it gets infected, your doctor may give you some medicine to deal with the irritation.